you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
