dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They have beer where we have blood.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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