nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
