That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
