Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
