a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
