Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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