On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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