How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize