i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
