Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
