did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
