3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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