You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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