i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
