Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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