you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
