meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
