you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
