I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize