yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You made out with two different species that night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
