I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
