He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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