did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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