One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
