I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize