remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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