Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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