Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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