she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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