cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
