in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just has baby written all over it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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