left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
