I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
