While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
