I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
