I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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