you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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