dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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