I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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