Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
