We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize