I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize