after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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