just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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