i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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