I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
