This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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