Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
