i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
