I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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