Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
