seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
