i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
