I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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