Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
