What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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