3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize