i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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