I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
