Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
