i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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