I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
