even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
