we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
