Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
