trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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