well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
