watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
