yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
