I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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