He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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