i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
