dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
