youre lurking in front of me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
