So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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